Anyway, what if I die at this very moment?! I mean, right now, while I'm sitting here, indian style, on the computer chair, typing everything that crosses my mind. If ever, I would, which is quite impossible unless I got hit by lightning or the computer exploded in front of me or anything that might happen just like in Final Destination I'll be thankful! Well, I'm not being a hypocrite or a monk, but I just feel that way. Though I haven't been blessed with everything and I don't have anything to brag about except for my friends, I'm really happy. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero there's peacefulness within me. People reading this would probably think, "Uhm, Aileen, ikaw ba yan?!" Hindi ko nga rin sigurado kung ako nga ba 'to pero I surely feel that way. If I die right now, I'd be happy dying. Hahahaha!
But, another question is would I want to die at this very moment? Of course, I wouldn't want to. There are a lot of things to be done and I have this certain feeling that no one can do it better than me. Hahahaha!!! Parang, iba kapag ako ang gumawa. Well, my friends know me, I don't like asking people to do things that I know I could do better. If I ask somebody that means that person could do it a lot better than I can. And if I die, I wouldn't be of help anymore, hindi ko na matutulungan yung mga taong kailangan pa ang tulong ko. When would I want to pass away? When nobody needs me anymore or when nobody cares to call me anymore.
Another thought, what if, later, I find out that I have a terminal sickness or disorder, something that would literally, take my breath away soon? I suppose, I'll just laugh it off, like what I always do. Laughter is really the best medicine. Anyhow, if that happens, perhaps I'll go to school and church more often, hang out with my friends, sleepover at somebody else's house or spend each day with a different companion. I would never want to go home. I'll enjoy the rest of my days with my friends or with anybody. I think I wouldn't change at all. Siguro, there would be times that I would just sit in the corner hugging my feet, crying while gazing at my friends sleeping next to me, being thankful for having friends who snore louder than a honking truck or…. However, I wouldn't tell my friends and relatives about my sickness, gusto ko, ako lang may alam para mas masaya. I wouldn’t want people feeling sorry for me or even sympathizing. Gusto ko, ako lang ang malungkot. Perhaps, I would tell those people who are mad at me, so that finally, they would be happy. Hekhekhek!!!
I know dying isn't about leaving other people because I know, as cliché goes, I'll continue living within their hearts. However, I would like to add that dying is fine. It shouldn't be something people are to fuss about, it's something to be grateful for because even if the person you love dearly is leaving you, at least, you are rest assured that he or she is going to a better place or better yet, he or she is going back home!!!
Speaking of my death, I don't want it in a typical funeral parlor. I have designed how I would like my room to appear. I'll post it here when I'm done with it, okei? Keep posted, it's great!!!
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I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
