After 2 years...

I CAN"T BELIEVE IT WAS REQUITED.


Who would have thought that requited love exist in my world? But, now, I guess it does. Thanks to S! The long wait paid off. Now, it's just upto me. And I am confused as hell.


YES OR NO?


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

If you know me well enough, you probably know that I am a very logical person. I think a lot more that I feel. No matter how drastic it sounds, I process things objectively. I always believe that if it is morally right, then it's okay.

The hardest thing right now is that the choices I have are amoral. There wouldn't be a right or wrong answer. It's just the battle of the heart and of the mind. The battle that I can't seem to decipher who'll emerge as victorious.

Ack. I seize this battle.

Heart's Territory
The question still echos, "do I love him?" I just don't know. My heart skips a beat when he's around. He makes me smile for days and even, cry for months. He can make me happy and sad at the same time. It took time, a very long time for the both of us to bloom and develop. Do I love him? Tell me.

Mind's Territory
As I have said, I am a very logical person so this territory would probably be bomabarded with crazy thoughts and cynicism. Starting of with the question, "Does he deserve me and do I deserve him?" You can never take this out of me because I am simply scared. Scared of every little thing that could possibly shake my mental poise - rejection, being fooled, being toyed around, being taken for granted, being left alone shivering in the dark, losing myself, forgetting things, taking others for granted, losing the friendship, being unfair, not being worthy, abandonment, tears, fights, misunderstandings, and all the other craps. It's just hard not to be scared of those little things that could break me apart. And these are the reasons why I've been avoiding this battle.

And besides, I am really perfectly fine on my own. I am happy. I am complete. I have my Father, my God, and my Fortress. There's really nothing missing.

Another though emerges, what if all of these should be taken into a different context? Perhaps, this wouldn't be for me but more for the growth of the other person. What if my Father wants this person to feel as happy as I am? What if He wants me to lead him to Him? What if I'm just making all of these up?

Should I be selfish of saving myself from heartaches and leave him astray or alone? Or should I risk it and just see what happens?

Risks! I hate them.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

My blessing for the past few months:

1. CYA. The greatness of my past days are nothing without the aid of CYA. It brought me back to God, to the Father to whom I really belong. It's the one responsible for my change of heart, mind, and behavior. Nothing beats the beauty of being with my co-believers, the serenity of journeying with the Lord, and the realization that life is such a blessing.

2. Being close friends again with Spiderman. We have lost touch for the past years. Although, I write about him once in a while, we're not really "back together" as close friends. However, we've never been close since he finally broke up with his ex. Hehehe. And, no, we aren't romantically linked. We're plain close friends. Anyway, he helped me with my laptop that fatal thursday. We roamed around the mall for a good couple of hours, hung out with my friends, laughed, critiqued, and intrigued people. Haha! I missed hanging out with him. Since then, we've been consulting each other on various stuff. And I can pretty much say that I'm comfortable knowing that he'll always save my day. :)

3. Hanging out with my girlfriends: Jarl and Debs. Nothing beats the sweetness of being with my barkada!!! Hahaha! Who would have thought we could study together huh? Hehehe! Thursday is Trinoma day! :o Miss you girls!!!



More to come. Thesis muna ako. Hahaha!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost