Watching those Western shows such as The OC and One Tree Hill, I often think that their lives were plain drama. I thought those lies on which their life revovles at are just pure pigment of the writer's imagination. I never thought of it as posible, considering our age.
But then, again, it's real.
Lies, as major as Lucas having that sickness, are real and possible. I just discovered that I had been living with a lie eversince God knows when.
I always lied and I had been lied to, here and there, about matters that are not of such graveness. I wonder why I am so affected by this one.
A person dearest to me is gay. Not just subtle gayness but gay to the point that s/he looks at men porn sites. (My issues with homosexuality is another topic.) Anyway, this gay man, I thought was straight. I even complained to him since my prospect, I discovered, is also gay. Apparently, he also is. And he even has a boyfriend right now. It hurts since I always thought of him as my adviser, my guy to run to when problems pour over me. When I need him, he's there; to pick me up, to buy me stuff, to treat me dinner, to research for me, to save me from my mother's yabbling. No romantic attachment here, okay. It's just that I can't get over the fact that he is gay, with a cute boyfriend, with bills on his pocket spent on this cute boyfriend. It sucks.
And I'm not even in Tree Hill.
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Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
I'm always cheerful. Laughing. With eyes sparkling like happiness is forever. With my braces flashing, grinning from ear to ear. Everybody thinks I'm always cool and steady, without problems, just stress. They think I'm strong. They know within themselves that I'm happy and carefree
But, I'm not.
I'm not even happy. My smiles were just a lame way to make myself happy. It makes me think that probably, if I'll keep smiling, I'd finally be happy. Not. It made me more understand how unhappy I am.
I could fool the world but I can never fool myself.
_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Siya lang pala makakapagpa-smile ulit sa akin ng ganito, naghintay pa ako. I'm feeling speechless. Feeling lang. Overwhelming emotion that I can only sigh, then smile. It seems like nothing have changed. Shoot. I missed him so bad that a single message seemed like a real wonderful blessing.
Thank you Lord.
_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Yey!!! I'm torridly infatuated to the person with eyes like a teardrop and with a genuine shy smile. Hahaha! And it's not unrequited. Weh? Feeling ako. Hahaha!
Anyway, together with the start of 2nd sem is the beginning of a new and improved me. Hehehe. I know I can't change in a split second so it'll take a while. I've got some new resolutions for this sem:
+ still cutting down on carbohydrates (No, I'm not in a diet, I just want to run lighter.)
+ save 20 bucks each day for Chirstmas
+ stop cramming or at least avoid, hehehe!
+ stop making excuses to myself to get away from responsibilities
+ no more thoughts of my love being returned (because Aileen, it's not!)
+ focus only on studies, football and org activities
+ easy on impulsive shopping and unplanned gimiks
_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
