This has got to be the saddest Christmas I have ever experienced.

Don't give me that doubting look because I am not kidding.`

Anyway, my friends have been hearing over and over how and why I don't like going home and if their lucky, how I detest some family scenarios. I even tell them the whole story, the telenovela-like lines, etcetera. But, this christmas, everything is far out. I never thought we'd be as poor as this:

My mother asked me to stay in the store early morning so they could go to the market and buy some food for noche buena. It has been the routine since we gone on vacation so it wasn't really a big deal. Then, around lunch time, my mother gave me some macaroni soup. Again, this has also been a routine since it's easier to cook that than any other food. So, again that was fine. All day, that's the only thing I ate, macaroni soup. I'm not getting hungry though, just thinking that we're probably going down the SES ladder. Ugh. Fortunately, I went with my brother to OLPH, a church. A friend of his invited us to their house to eat dinner. So, I got to eat dinner with rice and barbeque. I went to mass, alone, since my brother is serving. We went home around 11pm. I went down in time for noche buena. Note that we didn't eat together since my father is asleep, Angie went ahead, and I chose to eat last. After eating, I went upstairs and indulge in the laptop.

It never helped that my father is here, that he came back just in time for Christmas. It sucks that we don't go to mass together anymore. It hurts that the day before the Savior is born, all you hear are sarcastic lines of how nice it is for them to have us as their kids or on the other hand, how nice it is to have them as our parents.

I have to look on the bright side:
At least, this is better than our Christmas next year.

Hi Jesus! Welcome to this chaotic world. Please shower your peace heavily on our family that we may all, in unity, love you as you love us. Grant me the inspiration to hope that there is really a bright future for all of us because God, I'm losing hope, and you know it. Thank you for coming to save us from desolation. Amen.


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Here's a pic of my first soccer ball:




_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

crazy ass bitch

life is not as nice as we see it. but since life treat us the way we treat it, i guess i'm not treating it the nice way because it's far from easy and happy.

eto na naman ako, pinipilit maging masaya kahit mukhang imposible. eto na naman, nangangarap na sana ang bawat ngiti na namumutawi sa aking mga labi ay totoo at walang halong kaplastikan. eto na naman, pilit ikinukubli ang kalungkutang bumabalot sa aking buong pagkatao.

bakit nga ba ganon? hindi ko mapadama sa mga tao ang tunay kong nadarama. hindi ko mapakitang binabalot na ako ng kalungkutan. hindi ko magawang umiyak kapag hindi ko na kaya, ni hindi ko nga magawang sumimangot kapag binabagsakan na ako ng lagit. bakit kaya?

marahil, sadyang plastik lang ako. o marahil, takot akong mabansagang "mahina". takot akong lalong lamunin ng pesteng kalungkutan. takot akong may malungkot nang dahil sa aking kahinaan. takot akong makaapekto sa buhay ng iba. takot.

siguro, sa lahat ng bagay, ang tanging pumipigil sa atin ay takot. hindi man tayo ganoon katapang para aminin ang ating kahinaan, may mga bagay pa din tayong kinatatakutan. dapat siguro, matuto tayong harapin ang takot. dapat minsan, maging totoo ako. ipakita kung anong nararamdaman. hayaan mo nang mapaaway ka. hayaan mo lang tumulo ang mga luha. minsan ang pagharap sa mga kahinaang ito, ang magpapalakas sa ating kalooban.

lunok. hinga lang. kaya mo yan. may bukas pa, malay mo, andoon talaga ang saya. para sa Kanya.



_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

I've been so troubled.

I've been thinking about too many stuff that it seems i'll blow up anytime soon.

Let me enumerate.

First, this NMAT thing. The pressure to get a good grade, the pressure to prove all of them that I could get a good grade without the help of review centers, the pressure that this will literally, affect my only wanted future.

Second, the football games. I'm not a professional. I can't do a high ball nor cross the ball over to the other side of the field. I got a lot of weak points to work on but there's no more time to work on them. Argh. The pressure of not trapping the ball well, of not getting to it on time, of not passing to the right person with the adequate amount of speed. Darn. And the pressure with my friend, because I was left with this thing she started. Oh my.

Third, the many quizzes I'll miss because of all these. I'm too shy to ask for special quizzes.

Fourth, this never ending family problem, which chokes me to tears. This time, aside from my anti-mother thing, something is happening between me and my brother. Something unspeakable. It gets worse since we don't get a chance to see each other anymore because we're both busy. The thing that I knew is affecting me soo much to the point that I could break down any minute. I can't get over that fact. I can't do the advice of a special friend :( And my other sister is being such a brainless brat.

Fifth, other school requirements which are very very demanding of our time and effort. I can't seem to balance everything.


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost