Today, I realized I've been happy-go-lucky. I'm not sure if it's a bad thing or not.

Somehow, it sucks since I know I want to straighten up, to be serious with my studies and start thinking of my future. But, I'm afraid of being too serious. I still want to be carefree and worry-free. I don't want to sacrifice the sole thing that makes me happy - great time with friends. If I become too serious with school, I know I'll burn my wit and turn into a zombie. Hahaha! No more gimmicks and hang-outs. I can't live without those.

How did this came about? Well, I got the NMAT results and it's way below the grade I need. I underestimated the exam. Then, I realized, I've been playing eversince. I never took anything seriously. Hum.

By the way, I'm trying to decide about this Med thing. I got a low NMAT grade and I've been thinking soo much about the tuition fee - approximately Php80,000 per semester, excluding books and other necessities. Ideally, I'd fight for Med because really, this is all I ever dreamed of. I'd neglect the financial constraints and work for my tuition fee. And, I take review classes for a re-take of NMAT. On the other hand, being realistic, I'd forget all about it and, save my parents from further work, and myself for brain-wrecking subject matters. I wouldn't fulfill my dreams though.

In case of Option 2, what would I be, other than a doctor?
Football player? Nah.
Lawyer? I also want to be that but the financial constraints??? Ok, nevermind.
Plain Psychologist? Booho, no.
Counselor? Ugh.
Psychiatrist? That's Med, so, no.
Nurse? Whattheheck?!
Archeologist? I wanted to be one, but I don't want to study geology or stuff like that.
Diplomat? That's more like it, study European Studies, Political Science, and the like. Sounds good.

Sob. Sob. Sob. My dream of specializing abroad and returning here; building a hospital in a rural area; working in Medical City; making up diagnostic criterias like House M.d.; wearing that white gown; having that M.D. sign on top of the plate number of my Mazda3 - all FADING AWAY.

I even remembered begging God to save me from failing my OrgChem. I promised I'd try all my best for the next sem. I guess, I never really tried.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Yesterday, we had another session of CGS!

Super saya! Nag-attend din kasi sina Seskie and Bea! :) We had a lot of activities.

Jacy read a passage from Psalm 23. I thought of it before pa, and I felt the same feeling Kuya Peter felt when he ignored the message from God. I thought, Psalm 23 was just in my mind because aside from the fact that it's my favorite passage, it's also the passage we've memorized in Theology. Sorry po!

By the way, I've been very casual with J and H. Hahaha! I'm not sure if they know I like one of them but what the heck?! I'm soo happy!!! And kinikilig!!! :) I even got to walk side by side with H. Hahaha! He's so nice and easy to get along with! :) Sheesh.

J greeted me early in the morning! :) Grabe, I had to run to Umbrella from where I was because I couldn't contain my joy! :) Wala pa naman akong boses. Hahaha! I told R what J did and all he said was, "Kaya pala nung nag-hi ako sayo, ang saya mo!" Excuse me??? Hahaha, I'm over R na! Whoohoo! Thanks po ng sobrang marami!

Saddest thing about this day is the result of my NMAT. I'll have to take and seriously prepare for the next one!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Things that I am thankful for:

... my close friend, S, for coming back into my life :)
... for my barkada, Jarl, Debs, Crisi, Ayel, and Rain.
... that my bestfriend, Jarl, is now single!
... victories of our past 2 games.
... that I never passed out while jogging.
... the gift of PK!
... I got to freely talk to Bea last night.
... the new found friends at CYA!
... my teammates :)
... my block, 3B, for being the best block in Psych.
... the results of my Prelims, because I know I deserve less.
... whatever the results of NMAT.
... I got to eat dinner last night. I haven't eaten dinner for 2 consec weeks.
... my infatuations. Hahaha!
... making them build the carpark. It's nice having McDo and KFC.
... keeping me alive.
... the friendships I have with Master, Spidee, Melody, Charmaine, and Philosopher.
... giving Kat a boyfriend.
... bringing me to CYA!!! :)
... constantly reassuring me that everything is a fairytale.
... my dad, who's patience and love I can never return.
... keeping all of my love ones healthy or alive.
... igniting Spidee's drive to succeed, I know he could do it.
... all the love.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Today, I wasn't feeling well. I've been coughing like hell and my throat hurts. But, it's a HAPPY day!

I had a magical moment. Then, it's CYA Game day! Hahaha.

Ang saya saya!!! Naglaro lang kami forever. Hindi na nga ako nag-jog eh. Lagot.

Anyway, I'm happy because somebody made me happy. Hahaha! Shifted my infatuation to H, from J. Hahaha! Infatuation lang naman kasi. Weeee. I got to talk to them na! Hahaha! Feeling highschool. I discovered that J is pretty smart and he smells so good. H melted me with his stare and inakbayan pa niya ako. Yak!!! Highschool talaga! Hahaha. Minsan lang ito, samantalahin na!


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

I'm afraid I'm going to have ONE WEEK of training and seemingly endless football.

Yesterday, Monday, we trained from 4 to 7. Medyo napagod ako agad kasi matagal-tagal na akong hindi nakakapag-insayo. Nakakapagod talaga. Again, I felt nauseous while joggng. Hay.

Today, we have to jog. Kicks. Little training.

Wednesday, 3rd game with CRS! 3 to 5 pm. Light training at 1 pm. Ugh.

Thursday, I have to jog. And I also decided to practice high balls and cross-overs. What sucks is that it's CYA-CGS day!!! Huhuhuhu. I'm going to go home really really late.

Friday, 4th game against Accounting at 8 to 10 am. Super init nun. Good luck na lang. I'm going to miss 3 classes because we're suppose to meet up 2 hours before the game, which is at 6 in the morning. Huhuhuhu! And I have to go to Philippine Science at 1 pm. Play day din at the afternoon with my blockmates!!! Pero there's training at 4 to 7 pm. Whew!

Saturday, I predict, a whole day of training. Unless, or course, somebody fades out.

PS: MY NIKE BALL IS MISSING!!!


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Yey!!!

Yesterday morning, I got to be with children with hearing disabilities. Sumama ako sa group nila JB, Marion, Mr.Chen and MicMic. Hehehe! Andun din sina Kimmie, Ponchie and Seskie :) Sobrang saya! It made me more eager to participate in more outreach programs. They invented a sign name for me. Wahehehe. I also learned new sign languages like how to say sorry, good morning, hi, how old are you, beautiful, joke... Ang saya!!! Thanks nga pala sa group nila! Hehehe, sa uulitin!

In the afternoon, Jarl and Debz picked me up. We headed to UN Ave. for the Indayog, UP's dance concert. Hmmm, unforgettable moves and routines by the St. Scholastica's College, UP Diliman Street Dance, and Indayog Alumni. Super hot nung girls ng St.Scho!!!!!!! Damn, their abs and "sexy backs". And the girl who stood out the most because of her sensual moves, waaaaahhhh!!!

Next stop, NBC Tent for Blackout :) Crisikate was one of the organizers so talagang pumunta kami. There were a lot of hot guys and hot girls. Hahaha! (Bi?!) But of course, the place was probably ruled by Ateneans and Lasallians. Mjen and Marian also came. We saw Kev and he introduced us to his friends. Nothing much. Pero masaya din, lalo na mag-people watching. Hahaha!!! People were bouncing with house music. Ohh, Chrissie's parents were also there. Wala lang. We didn't stay for long though, I think till 12:30 lang. Kudos to Chrissie!!!


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

We went to Blue Onions for some fun and dancing.

Hehehe! First time ko din doon. First time din that I drank a whole bottle of SML. Wala lang, felt thirsty kasi eh yun lang yung free drink. Hahaha! Ang saya! Night of dancing, screaming (haha!), and uhhh, more dancing.

There were boys, guys, and hiphoppers. Hahaha! Pretty much a bunch of losers. Ack, ang sama ko. I'm sticking to my statement: Guys met at bars are no good.

Great company. Great music. A lot of hot guys (to look at, lang). Shoot, I missed our night-outs!!!

Thank you girlfriends!


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Okay. Prelims namin ngayon at tinatamad ako. Mag-aral. Bumangon. Kumain. Huminga. Lahat na. Tinatamad ako.

As of 9:39 am, hindi ko pa nababasa yung 2 hand-outs sa OrgDevt. Nakaka-iyak. Subalit, tinatamad ako.

Leche. Posible ba 'to? Oo naman, ginagawa ko na nga eh. Parang gusto ko na lang matulog ng matulog. Marahil, bumabawi sa akin ang katawan ko. Pinapagod ko kasi. Pero dapat, mind over body. Hahaha. Pagod na rin siguro utak ko. Kawawa naman, mag-me-med pa siya! Nako. Ngayong linggo na pala lalabas yung resulta nung NMAT. Isang higanteng good luck sa akin at sa mga kasama ko. Wahaha. Papasa kaya ako sa mga test ngayon? Palagay niyo? Siguro naman, Clinical Psy at OrgDevt lang naman eh. LANG NAMAN. LANG? Wahaha. Bahala kang bumagsak. Hay. Ok. Pagkatapos maligo ni Isay, tatayo na talaga ako.

Habang hindi pa siya pumapasok sa banyo, usap muna tayo. Alam mo ba, hindi pa rin kami nag-uusap ng kuya ko sa hindi malamang dahilan. Pero galit pa rin ako sa kanya kasi hindi niya ginawa yung TestCon namin eh I wasn't asking that naman kasi kuya ko siya. Siya kasi yung "expert"; he's teaching grade 5 kids eh yun nga yung subjects namin. Feeling. Tapos, another prob pa with the ex of my bestfriend. Asshole, pati sina tito and tita tinitira. Palibhasa, wala siyang magulang na concerned kung masasaktan ba siya or what. Kawawa naman. Another matter, gusto ko ulit mag-debate. Kaso lang, nawalan ako ng self-confidence. Bakit nga ba? Ewan. Environment siguro. Labo.

Yey. Ligo na ko. Hahaha! Pagdasal niyo ko, sana hindi na ko maging tamad.

Kees.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

You know how when a car is stuck in snow or mud, you have to rock it back and forth until you can get traction? If your life has felt stuck, today you will finally get that feeling of traction -- also known as hope. Real signs of progress are arriving at a faster and faster pace. Check your bank account, and you might finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief. This is a turning point, a time of new beginnings and approaching fulfillment.

Ok, since when did I start believing in horoscopes?

Approaching fulfillment huh? I guess so. Prelims next week, it's my choice whether I'll study or not today. Wish that I do.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

I've been thinking a lot lately about my feelings for two people, well, actually, my feelings about one person only, R.

I knew and believe that he is not the person he seem to be. I know he puts all these faces to hide what's true. I believe a lot of bad things actually about him. But, my heart chose to feel this thing. 'Thing' because I don't know what it's called. However, this thing is definitely not like, not even hate, nor love. But there's something sweet and special between us, I just don't know what.

The conflict is, I'm getting more and more confused. A friend helped instilled in me that he is something else. That he is not the person he seem to be. But, that person doesn't believe anymore. Damn. All he did was to deny it convincingly for my friend to turn her back on everything she used to believe.

What sucks is that I believe that everything is true, everything is the sad truth. But, I still have this 'thing' for him, which makes me kind of stupid.

Then, the second guy came into picture. This 2nd guy, S. He's someone I really like. He's been there for me eversince, though not all the time, but he never left for good, always coming back when I need him. We're just close friends. As much as my heart would want more than that, my mind doesn't want to. And all my friends, also doesn't want to. Gee, bakit ba "thinking person" ako?

I don't want to think about them anymore. Let's see God's plans for me.

But, the existential theory, it's my choice?! It's my choice what to believe and whom to love. Hahahaha!


_____________________________________
Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

You are clearly in period of great ease right now, when you can put in half the effort to get the full reward. Things are coming to you more quickly, and people are working with your schedule. There is joy beneath the surface of everything right now ... the smile that the stranger in the next car gives you is merely an acknowledgment, but will feel like a true connection. Ask for nothing more than what you are given, and you will not be disappointed!

Ang weird ng mga horoscope ko!!! It seems real. I can put in half the effort to get the full reward? Not bad, I badly need that for my case report because at the rate of how I'm doing it right now (which is not), I doubt if I'll finish it. Sucks.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MEAN, JOY LONDON, and ZECK! :)


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

this might be senseless, so you might as well don't read this. im just taking my mind of the case report im cramming right now.

doesn't it sucks when you know you need to finish something but you cant get yourself to do it? ive been yelling at myself for being happy-go-lucky, for not being serious enough about school stuff but it never helped. i never changed. i just cant get myself to study seriously. how weird. im sleepy for staying up late because i watched one tree hill before doing my priorities. my eyes are dozing off while typing this instead of while typing that case report. darn. i rather chat with important people than do that blasted case report. then, tomorrow, i'd kill myself cramming hopelessly. i even have a test tomorrow and i havent studied a thing. shit.

im losing it. but im happy losing it. weird. what's happening to me?

im glad im happy dying. hahaha!

aileen, wake up! do this. wake up the way R did, be happy and smart with him! go!



_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

As I have written in the previous entry, it's CYA day today. We watched Rob-b-hood by Jackie Chan. I didn't like it initially but damn, I was laughing uncontrollably inside the movie place. It's actually cool and funny and dramatic. Hahaha! Whoo, may mga naiyak. Hahaha! We also played Mafia and Fill or Bust. Super saya! We played at Timezone. I missed playing!!! It's such a great day to be spent with my fellow believers. *Sigh*

It's one of the best days of my January! Lord, thank you so much!

Tonight, I've been chatting with Pao. Hahaha! It's funny how the world changed, for the better. Who would have known?! Dean's list. Woah.

I miss you philosopher! Yung libre mo ha!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Whatever stress you've been feeling lately will get lifted off your shoulders temporarily today. There is a new influx of energy in your life -- either in the form of a new set of responsibilities or a person from your past who's back on the scene. There's a healthy level of mystery that is keeping your positive energy alive. Time will go slowly throughout the day; savor the mellow energy and the serenity between you and all your people.

Sounds funny! I've been really really stressed for the past days because of school. Just thinking of all we have to do makes my neurons back off abruptly. Darn. This horoscope surely made me smile because it's CYA day today.

I haven't wrote anything about it because maybe, I just don't want to spill things that doesn't really speak of me. And besides, some might doubt me. Oh well, better tell, it's fun being laughed at anyway.

CYA stands for Christ Youth in Action. My bestest girlfriend introduced it to me sometime in the first semester of 2006. It's like a religious club that meets every thursday somewhere in or near UST. It's fun. We do fellowship, singing songs for the Lord. Then, we have discussion groups in which we get to share and listen to our sisters. It's something I really look forward to every thursday, to the point that sometimes, I feel empty without it :) I have urged Hershey to join and she's in! Others think it was weird. What the heck?! I feel so welcomed and loved there. It's nice when the community you are with is started by and centered to God! It kinda makes you feel secure!

So, as I have said, I'm temporarily forgetting to be stressed today since I'm going to meet up with beautiful people in CYA. We're meeting at Gateway. This day will be different because we're just gonna enjoy - timezone, movies and food - right before prelims! God is so great!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Ngayong taon, nais kong ...

... mag-bike ulit sa circle! :)
... mag-wall climbing. ang tagal ko nang pangarap 'to.
... bumili ng super chic na high heels.
... pumunta kay Randall mag-isa.
... manuod ng Valentines concert.
... have a serious talk with R.
... talk to J.
... ask my closest buddy for a date.
... mag-ice skating.
... magpakulot sa birthday ko.
... i-try hindi matulog ng 24 hours. mukhang hindi malabong mangyari 'to ah. hehe.
... manuod ng concert ng Hale!!!
... maging sweet sa lahat para mabaliw yung nag-send sa akin ng mixed signals. wahaha!
... maka-goal!!! wahehehe.
... makapag-head ng maayos :D
... makapagpa-autograph kay JC Intal. lagi ko na lang 'to wish!

I hope I can do everything. Saya! 2007, sana it will be a good year for me and for everybody I love! Sana wala nang sawi, wala nang problemang mabigat, wala nang mawawala, at sana manumbalik ang saya!!!

Let's try to have a great year ahead! Aja Aja! Fighting fighting!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Featuring: (tantananan...)


MY BOY Lee Dong Wook

Hahaha! For the second time, I watched My Girl and I still fell for his sweet smile :) And, I love his eyes! We look great together, ayt?! *you nodded* I know, thanks!


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

HOROSCOPE FOR THE DAY:

There is a battle going on inside of you right now -- the part of you that wants to spend all your time with other people is battling for control with the part of you that just wants to be left to your own thoughts for a while. If you can get out of major social obligations, let your solitude-seeking side win out just for today. You have to spend some time assessing the good things in your life, and the bad things in your life, in order to determine what is holding you back.

What is holding me back? There's only one thing: FEAR. Fear of not making it, of not winning independently, of not having people to save me from anticipated desolation, and of not having another chance.

How do I conquer fear? Tell me.


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Happy New Year everyone!!!

The new year calls for a new beginning. To let go of the pass, and just live in the present.

Before the year finally ended, I was lost. I wasn't really myself. The past semester, including the whole 2007, I was really out of my mind. I don't remember stuff, I'm messy, I'm confused, etcetera.

So as the year begins, I'm also starting to rebuild myself. To bring back the old me. The ME who was in control of her life. The ME who knows what will be the consequences of my actions. And the ME who was not easily moved by irritation, frustration and sadness.

As far as I'm concerned, my year started great. A whole day of watching DVD, followed by a whole day of catching up with school requirements. Everything is fine, for now. Look, I don't know when will this "fine" ends. Actually, nobody really knows. We just got to savor every moment and be thankful that there was at least, "a fine moment" in our life. Just got to smile and hope for more of these "fine" scenarios!

Earlier, I dreamt of J! Never told anyone the details since I don't want it to end up like that of R. Hahaha! I also saw J twice today, without even looking for him. Hmmm, got to savor the moment. It wouldn't last.

*sigh*


_____________________________________
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost