Sad. Sad. Sad.

Why does everything always happen at the same time?

My parents vanished. My phone lost. My friend is not fine with my company and thinks I'm a social climber. My grades are going haywire.

My life's thrown to a graveyard of defeat and failure. And now, my body is also willing to die and perish, to rot in purgatory or hell or if God permits, to linger in heaven.

What the ****?!

My parents? I don't really care about them.

My phone? I'm used to it.

My friend? That hurts! That hurts really bad. First time I heard her reason, my heart was clouded with darkness, up until now, when I think of it, it becomes hard for me to breathe in. It made me doubt myself, and that sucks because this is the second time a close friend doubted my loyalty. The feeling is unfathomable. I failed to bear it bravely without shedding a tear but as I have said, I failed. I broke into sobs then I shed a river, profusely flowing on my cheeks. My throat, waterless. My mind, blank. I’m not sure what to think. I just kept on sobbing and sobbing at my brother’s bed, it's my refuge. I can’t even write. I can't even reach the ONLY person I want to talk to. Isn’t it sad that when you have so much pain in your heart and you want to talk, the only person who can stop you from crying is out of sight? Hay.

Darkness came over me. Everything’s blurry. I have to repress everything to be able to carry on.

Questions. Questions. Questions.

In what way was I being “sosyal”? Wasn’t it a given fact that I’m close to them? And it doesn’t mean that when I am laughing, I am happy, guess, a real friend should know that. I’m disappointed because she should have known me better than that. And I’m being “sosyal”? How’s that? She needs to explain because I can comprehend. But how could I ask her to when she doesn’t talk to me just because she doesn’t feel like talking to me.

Hay.

The pain. The despair.

It’s clouding me… again.