07 April 2006
Sad. Sad. Sad.
One can never be really happy. I’m skeptical that any happiness could really last. I was nourishing happy thoughts only to find out that I am exceedingly sad. And this sadness cause tears enough to wet, partially, my pillow case.
One can never be thoroughly contented, it’s the human nature.
Thinking about:
Med. Are you really possible?! Is it really possible for me to be a doctor? This is bad; I’m doubting my own capabilities. I’m afraid I wouldn’t make it. I’m afraid I wouldn’t have the guts to face every single predicament that will come my way. I’m afraid of having financial constraints, of losing my ambition, of failing, of not achieving my ideals. I’m afraid of everything.
Damned ‘Rents. I hate you. And I am hating you more and more each day. You don’t know how heavy it gets just listening to your ran tings. You haven’t got the slightest idea of what we’re going through. Everything I think about your bullshits just pile up within me and someday, I will blow up. I will leave this damned place and go far away. I will live the life God has really planned for me because this isn’t it; He never wanted me to be this miserable. I do not know why He entrusted me to you but I know He has His own reasons. This life I have spent with you will greatly contribute to my life in the future and I bet I’d be happier and contented. I am not hating because of your restrictions, those are fine with me, it’s normal for everybody. What I am hating are your rigid minds, your traditional thinking. You want us to be like you, to live the lifestyle you lived decades ago like waking up early in the morning to help with the house choirs, working our bones out to help the family, offering help even if it isn’t really necessary. That is not us, and that can never be us. Times have changed and that change changed everything, lifestyle, personality of the people, our thinking, everything have changed. Change is really the only thing permanent in this world. And you should learn to adapt to changes. You shouldn’t expect us to wake at 7pm during summer time and work. You shouldn’t yell at us for talking to a friend on the phone. And it would be a lot better if you would also befriend our friends because at our stage, nothing is more important than affiliations.
Don’t inhibit me to get the hell out of here because the more you make me stay, the more you nourish my hatred towards you.
Bow.
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Two roads divereged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
