Somehow, it sucks since I know I want to straighten up, to be serious with my studies and start thinking of my future. But, I'm afraid of being too serious. I still want to be carefree and worry-free. I don't want to sacrifice the sole thing that makes me happy - great time with friends. If I become too serious with school, I know I'll burn my wit and turn into a zombie. Hahaha! No more gimmicks and hang-outs. I can't live without those.
How did this came about? Well, I got the NMAT results and it's way below the grade I need. I underestimated the exam. Then, I realized, I've been playing eversince. I never took anything seriously. Hum.
By the way, I'm trying to decide about this Med thing. I got a low NMAT grade and I've been thinking soo much about the tuition fee - approximately Php80,000 per semester, excluding books and other necessities. Ideally, I'd fight for Med because really, this is all I ever dreamed of. I'd neglect the financial constraints and work for my tuition fee. And, I take review classes for a re-take of NMAT. On the other hand, being realistic, I'd forget all about it and, save my parents from further work, and myself for brain-wrecking subject matters. I wouldn't fulfill my dreams though.
In case of Option 2, what would I be, other than a doctor?
Football player? Nah.
Lawyer? I also want to be that but the financial constraints??? Ok, nevermind.
Plain Psychologist? Booho, no.
Counselor? Ugh.
Psychiatrist? That's Med, so, no.
Nurse? Whattheheck?!
Archeologist? I wanted to be one, but I don't want to study geology or stuff like that.
Diplomat? That's more like it, study European Studies, Political Science, and the like. Sounds good.
Sob. Sob. Sob. My dream of specializing abroad and returning here; building a hospital in a rural area; working in Medical City; making up diagnostic criterias like House M.d.; wearing that white gown; having that M.D. sign on top of the plate number of my Mazda3 - all FADING AWAY.
I even remembered begging God to save me from failing my OrgChem. I promised I'd try all my best for the next sem. I guess, I never really tried.
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Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
